Anxiety ‘tips’ get a bad rap on Autistic & Unapologetic. Not because I believe they don’t work and belong on a list with ouija boards and healing crystals, but because when you are suffering from an anxiety attack or deep in the clutches of anxiety overload, the last thing you are going to do is hunt for a lavender candle or think of a new hobby to take up.
That’s why, when it came to writing this article on autism and anxiety, I wanted to create something honest and capable of making a real difference to everyone that reads it. Obviously I don’t expect every one of these anxiety tips to be life-transforming, however, I am certain each one is more helpful than ‘turning on the news to put your problems into perspective’ (oh Buzzfeed, you are the worst).
1. Don’t just sit there!
When anxiety has its grubby mitts on me, the first noticeable change I spot isn’t the sinking feeling in my stomach or the rising feeling of my stomach’s contents, but the clouds of doubt that shadow my thoughts:
- Why am I going into the unknown when I know exactly the kind of day I can have at home?
- What if I do something stupid and I’m permanently remembered for this one slip up I could have avoided?
- Isn’t there a better use of my time… like hiding at home and rewatching Scrubs?
While no one is leaping at the opportunity to feel anxious, this is particularly bad for those who have autistic brains, as our knowledge-loving minds fill these unanswered questions with speculation and hearsay. This negative information then spreads to other regions surrounding the original thought and, pretty soon, we no longer see the glass as half empty or half full, but as poisonous.
So what’s the answer? Well, as my favourite new phrase goes, ‘poop or get off the pot’. There really is no point in sitting around and doing nothing when there are so many opportunities for self-care waiting to be discovered. Anxiety can feel paralyzing but, whether you are actively searching for more information or going out of your way to distract your thoughts, doing something – anything – is a great way of physically prompting yourself that you are ready to move through this.
2. Be selfish
In a perfect world, acting against your anxiety would mean going out of your way to tackle whichever challenge is ahead of you, but, while I always recommend taking a chance and leaving your comfort zone, it’s more than acceptable that, under strenuous conditions, you should look after number one – despite what others may think.
Of course, this may mean coming across as selfish/harsh and even cancelling plans at the very last second but, the reality is, sometimes self-care requires you to be selfish and that’s something you should never feel guilty about.
Unfortunately, this can cause a whole new bout of anxiety as you worry what your friends and family might say when you let them down, but, if you are entirely honest with them (and they are decent people), then they should understand and be supportive of your decisions and feelings.
3. You can’t feel anxious forever
On that note, anxiety can often feel like that devil on your shoulder, desperately wanting you to fail anything and everything and while being selfish and cancelling plans can often make you feel awful in another way, it’s important not to let this feeling beat you as it is a necessary step back for the forthcoming leaps forward.
It’s unreal the number of times I have cancelled on my friends at the last minute because of that horrible feeling in the back of my mind and while, yes being tucked in at 8pm watching Netflix does seem like an ideal night to many, it feels rubbish when you know everyone else is having a grand time without you. I once even missed my own surprise party because of this!
It’s so, so important not to let this, or any negative thought surrounding post anxiety, get us down as the moment you start feeling bad after already suffering a knock is when you become victim to anxiety – trapped in a cycle of feeling bad in the lead-up, feeling bad during the episode, and feeling bad afterwards. As such, it’s okay to feel glum, but be ready to pull yourself out after you’ve had time to wallow.
4. Listen to yourself
Like the trailer to Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, anxiety can often lead you astray until you find yourself trapped in a dark room wondering how did things go from good to bad so quickly? However, just like the Star Wars prequel trilogy, if you stop looking at the situation in comparison to everything else, things stop seeming as bad as they did at first and soon you might even be able to spot aspects you do enjoy (okay, Star Wars comparison over).
What I mean by this is that, while we can often identify when we are being hit by anxiety, sometimes it’s much harder to know where it’s coming from. Take for example how I throw up every year at Christmas. A few years ago, I realized that this wasn’t because of the countless conflicting things that happen on the day or the busy atmosphere which always ensues. Instead it was because I was so excited about seeing family and opening presents.
Just knowing why I feel the way I do has given me enough perspective to anticipate it. While, yes, I still throw up every Christmas, the fear that it could strike again, at any point, no longer burdens me and I am free to enjoy the day (post vomit).
5. Celebrate EVERY victory
I see a lot of articles on the internet discussing how to ‘beat anxiety’ and get rid of it for good. However, for an autistic person, anxiety isn’t a mark on our windscreen waiting to be wiped off. It’s a passenger sitting beside us, waiting to leap on the steering wheel if we don’t keep them under control.
As such, I recommend everyone be realistic about how they react to their anxiety and not to consider a day without anxiety as the only victory. Instead, be proud in a situation where you were anxious but didn’t let it hold you back.
The autism community rarely give ourselves enough credit for how incredible we can be. I think that is because we focus too much on comparisons of how we would be without our autistic tendencies. We need to realise that we are different and that not only makes us brilliant, but it also means the circumstances in which we demonstrate our brilliance is different too.
